For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying so hard to try to do something. It makes me nervous to not be doing something structured in this post-grad phase of my life.
I told my mom about these anxieties last week when we went for coffee. About how just sitting on the couch and doing nothing is stressful. And how it makes me crazy that I am not making money when I have a lot of ground to cover in my loans.
It was hard to look at her as I said these things because I felt my eyes watering and I could see the concern on her face. But she always has a way of calming me down.
“You don’t have to do anything,” she said. “You should take this time to do some soul-searching.”
Even though I said I’d be glad to be done college with it and do nothing for a bit in the past, it’s been really hard to stop looking for stuff to do post-grad. It’s been hard to not think about going back to school and it’s been hard to stop thinking in general about the future.
Since I talked to my mom about this, I’ve been obsessed with this song not only because it’s telling me to slow down, but it’s also telling me to do a little soul-searching. What I do now isn’t an end-all-be-all. If I watch television all day or if I get a job today, that doesn’t define what my future holds. All I can do is take it a step at a time and see what comes next – for now, anyways.